Healing feels like a deep dark hole that you’ve pushed yourself into. It makes you feel better, only to feel worse the next day. The cycle repeats itself over and over again, until you finally make it to the end of the hole and see light. People handle trauma differently. Whether you experienced miscarriage, loss of a child or loved one, or a painful breakup, it will leave permanent sadness in your heart.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t have the capacity to enjoy life again. Healing isn’t a one-size-fits-all process. On some days, you might feel on top of the world, while on others, the weight of your past may feel overwhelming.
Why Healing Takes This Path
The human psyche is complex. To heal means to revisit and process the events that caused you trauma until they no longer control you entirely. Trauma doesn’t affect just one part of your life. It can infiltrate your thoughts, behaviors, and physical well-being. Each aspect might heal at a different pace and can pull you back a couple steps every time you make some progress.
Even after making significant progress, you’ll face new challenges that test your resilience. For some, it is a life-long ongoing process. And that is okay.
You might blame yourself, doubt your instincts, and sometimes just feel like everything is out of your control. If your loved one passed away, you feel guilty for being alive or even wish that it was you instead of them. There’s no fixed timeline for these thoughts to reappear. But you know, most of the time they are actually beyond your control and you have to accept that.
Embracing the Ups and Downs
Before you tell yourself “I need to get over this”, tell yourself that you “accept yourself entirely” and that you’ll have “good and bad days” but the ratio will improve gradually. And that’s what will help you break through from the pain.
Here are 7 tips to help your healing journey and embracing the ups and downs:
1. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with kindness, especially during setbacks. Self-compassion starts with understanding that everyone struggles and experiences setbacks. If a day’s been particularly tough, remind yourself that it is a part of a process.
Write a list of self-care activities that bring you temporary peace or distracts you from overwhelming thoughts. A relaxing bath, spending time in nature, or art therapy are quite liberating.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
Recognize that progress can be slow and non-linear. Healing doesn’t adhere to a strict timeline. Break down bigger goals into smaller, manageable steps. “I want to feel better in two weeks” is not a healthy goal. Instead, set a goal to take a short walk or draw for five minutes each day. Tangible goals are easier to achieve and help with your mental health goals.
3. Seek Support
Whether through virtual trauma therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, having a support system provides encouragement and perspective during tough times. You can also join online communities and share about your healing journey anonymously and not worry about what others think.
4. Track Your Progress
Document your thoughts, feelings, and achievements. Even though you feel like you haven’t made any progress today, look through the pages and you’ll find the strength to fight back.
5. Stay Present
Focus on the present moment rather than worrying about future setbacks or past failures. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, help maintain this focus.
6. Celebrate Small Victories
Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Every step forward is a victory worth recognizing. Create a list of accomplishments, no matter how minor they seem. They’ll help you build momentum. Every now and then treat yourself as a reward for your hard work.
7. Find A Therapist That Understands Your Trauma
Many times regular folks experience extreme trauma and during their healing journey feel motivated to become therapists. They painstakingly go through years of study to help those that are currently experiencing the same trauma. These therapists will understand you like no other and become your biggest ally in the healing journey.
Losing my 10-day old baby girl, Gaby, helped me gain an “insider” perspective on infant loss, grief and bereavement, the impact of prolonged pediatric hospitalization on the family unit, and being faced with caring for a child with special needs. Her sweet twin, Maya Luna, has also since then undergone a great deal of health difficulties and setbacks, and yet she is resilient, full of wonder and a zest for life that is both inspiring and life affirming. I hope my story brings you some comfort.
I’m here to support your healing journey. Please send me a message, so we can connect and talk more.