an woman wearing a black dress looking down with no expression on her face

Firstly, I am so sorry that you experienced this unimaginable loss. While it feels like everything around you has gone wrong, know that none of it is your fault. Loss of a pregnancy has long-lasting effects on your mental, physical, and emotional health, some of which you might never recover from. While your partner is experiencing similar emotions, they won’t be able to feel them in a way a mother does. Understand that it is okay and focus on the important part – communicate about your feelings and offer your partner to express theirs. 

Miscarriage changes you physically and mentally 

While it is difficult to embrace the unwanted changes, accepting that you are a changed person is the first step in finding happiness. A woman’s body starts changing as early as four weeks after conception. You immediately start drinking more water, eat healthy, and get your daily steps in to provide your baby with all the nutrition and positivity that you can. 

Suddenly, you have to stop these things. You feel like your body cheated you. You feel guilt, anger, frustration, and disappointment for not being able to continue the pregnancy.  Nancy Jo Reedy, MPH, CNM, FACNM and faculty of Georgetown University School of Nursing & Health Studies states that “A miscarriage early on is like the worst period of your entire life.”

It was reported in a 2019 study that 30% of women who experienced early pregnancy loss showed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and the percentage reduced to 18% by the ninth month. The feelings are even more unbearable if this pregnancy was long-awaited. 

A woman sitting on a couch with their head on their hands

How to recover emotionally from a miscarriage? 

10-20% pregnancies end in a miscarriage. While intolerable, not being able to recover from it can impact your life. Here are some ways you can recover emotionally from a miscarriage and hopefully find happiness: 

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

Grieving is a natural response to loss. Give yourself and your partner permission to feel all kinds of emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or frustration. There is no time limit to get over grief. It might always stay at the back of your mind but you will find things that make you happy. 

2. Seek Support from Loved Ones

Lean on your partner, family, and friends for support. Share your feelings with those you trust. Remember they aren’t there to offer advice but just a listening ear. 

3. Connect with Others Who Understand

Join a virtual or in-person support group to connect with women who’ve gone through the same experience. Sometimes just knowing that there are others who have experienced the same anchors you and helps you look at grief differently.  

4. Prioritize Self-Care

Continue all self-care activities that you started before or during your pregnancy. It will help you bring your routine back to normal. Add meditation or deep breathing exercises to the mix as a way to ground your emotions. 

5. Seek Professional Help

A miscarriage or infant loss psychotherapist can help you in this journey. They are experienced in evidence-based trauma therapies, which can help you address some deep emotions and also find coping strategies. 

Jennifer Pinto is a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist who specializes in miscarriage and infant loss/grief and bereavement. She offers virtual therapy across GTA and Ontario. As someone who has experienced infant loss, she understands your loss in ways many might not be able to and is here to support you throughout your healing process. Please reach out to her today for more details.

5. Create a Ritual or Memorial

Whether it is planting a tree in your backyard, holding a small ceremony, or writing a letter to your baby, a ritual will offer you a sense of closure. You can also start an annual ritual to remember your baby in the most touching way. 

6. Take a Break from Social Media

Other people announcing their pregnancy or birth of a child can trigger you and make you feel jealous or angry. Stay away from social media until you can handle triggers because it will only do more harm. 

7. Set Boundaries

If someone talks on a topic that you aren’t comfortable with, it is okay to establish a boundary. If someone visiting you frequently makes you feel suffocated, it’s okay to let them know. People can’t guess what’s going on in your mind, so tell them how you feel. 

8. Focus on Things You Enjoy

If you find joy in reading, painting, or spending time in nature, go do it. It might or might not make you feel better, but you could use a little distraction from grief. 

9. Consider Future Planning When You’re Ready

Understand your options, ask your healthcare provider on steps to avoid it from happening again, and don’t pressure yourself into getting pregnant right away. 

10. Educate Yourself

Many early miscarriages happen because of gene mutations and chromosomal abnormalities. Whenever you’re ready, investigate the loss and demystify the experience. 

Healing from your miscarriage and finding happiness again doesn’t mean you are forgetting your baby. It means that you now have a bigger capacity for emotions. Your baby will always hold a special place in your heart and family.

Jennifer Pinto

Firstly, I am so sorry that you experienced this unimaginable loss. While it feels like everything around you has gone wrong, know that none of it is your fault. Loss of a pregnancy has long-lasting effects on your mental, physical, and emotional health, some of which you might never recover from. While your partner is…

Hi, I am Jennifer Pinto. I am a registered Social Worker and obtained my Masters' Degree from University of Toronto in 2010 with a specialization in Children and Families. I also completed an Honors BA in Psychology and Women's Studies from York University in 2003.

For more than 20 years I've worked with various populations and different settings ranging from pediatric healthcare, mental health community agencies and education systems.

https://jenniferpintopsychotherapy.ca/